Emotions, up and down

So, I haven't been sleeping all that great, I mean, not bad but not great lately. I've been having those race dreams, playing it through my mind, every different scenario that is possible, the great PR, the Kona qualifying finish, the concussion on the swim, the crash on the bike, the walk on the run, every scenario. Its kind of scary to have these dreams and I think its harder this year than last because I have experienced an ironman before and I have seen and felt a lot of what I have been dreaming lately and really dont' want to experience them again.

I have trained hard, I have put in the hours and done my races, why doubt still races through my mind, why completion sometimes sits in the forefront and I say to myself, " I would be ok with that". But you know what, yes, I would be ecstatic to finish IMLP and finish safely and uninjured but I would by lying to myself if I didn't think I could do a bit better than that. 13:42 was my finish last year and that was with a crash on the bike and walking at least 10 miles of the run, incapable of even bringing myself to a light jog those last 10 miles last year. It haunts me in my dreams that crash, me walking, I wake up in cold sweats sometimes thinking of that and remembering ( like childbirth) how painful of an experience that was. How healing from the road rash was so painful it took 4 weeks to really start healing. My scars are still there on my right side to prove it. I guess no runway modeling for me in the future, huh? ( hee, hee)

I'm going back to LP for some redemption, to hopefully get past that turn on the bike without crashing, to hold a steady even pace on the run and not walk and hopefully finish in a time that is better than last year. To make myself proud, to know that all this training paid off both mentally and physically, to prove to myself that I can do this, that I can be good at something. Its 8 days till IMLP, hopefully I will get a good 6 days of sleep, continue to hydrate and eat well and finish my last few workouts and off to NY I go next Thursday.

Lets pray to the weather gods that its less than 80 degrees, cloudy with a chance of showers ( not meatballs) and no humidity. Lets pray that I stay upright on my bike, no flats and a good steady pace.
Lets pray that my legs feel good right from the get go and if I manage my hydration, nutrition and pacing that I will be able to run a solid marathon for me off the bike and finish feeling like I just conquered the world.

Am I ready, I think so, I just need my mind to catch up with my body. I'll keep you guys posted. I have a nice run tomorrow, 1hr, a bike and swim on sunday and then off on monday. Heres to tapering.