On the Twelth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
12 windows broken in my house over the year
11 basketballs in every room in my house
10 crickets that escaped from the lizard cage and I can't catch and they are driving me crazy ( die already)
9 Timeouts typically given to my children every day ( I know, I know, obviously not working- but shit man therapy is expensive)
8 ( now multiply that number by 4 which gives you 32 water bottles gone missing over the year)
7 visits to the ER this year- mostly glue no stitches, x-rays but no broken bones, strep throat, you get the drill.
6 toilets plugged in my house over the year ( don't ask me with what, 4 kids you do the math)
5 ( now you sing the tune) awful teeth my puppy has that probably need to be pulled but I'm not dealing with it because its expensive and I want him to look like he lives in the back country of West Virginia ( no offense to anyone whose from there reading this blog and if so, well howdy doooo)
4 shits my dog has taken in my car since he's been with us this year
3 visits to the schools for my kids ( but they are angels you say- ah ha, yup)
2 guinea pigs ( I mean actually 1, the other one recently died and for some reason this one keeps on living, for goodness sake its almost 6 years of age, come on really? Anyone want a senior citizen guinea pig? I'm not joking)
And finally the big finish:
1 gigantic 3 foot rubber snake put in my toilet by my 9 year old to secretly scare the shit out of me but unbeknown to him his 6 year old brother pooped in my toilet ( diarrhea actually) during the night and I didn't recognize or notice the snake, thus with the toilet over flowing I plunged the snake right out into my septic field.
Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year. Now whose bringing down those friggin lights!!!!!!!
