Monday, March 21, 2011
Frustration, venting, etc....
I think every few months I write a similar blog and bitch about being unsupported and trying to do everything I possibly can to meet everyone's standards and everyones expectations of me and also trying to pursue my goals of being a good mom, wife, friend, coach and athlete. I often fail to meet anyones expectations, I usually meet about 1/2 of them and I get constantly criticized for wanting to workout and needing to workout almost on a daily basis. People have often stated to me, " stop bitching about being behind on your chores or food shopping, etc, if you just didn't work out so much you would have plenty of time to yourself and be done with everything you need"
Well, in response to those several people, I say, " SCREW YOU". I'm tired of people telling me that, its not that I don't have time, for goodness sake I get up at 4:30am to do most of workouts so I have time during the day for my family and to do everything I need to do, however, that being said, if my family would cooperate and put laundry in the basket and not on the floor, dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink all the time, if they could actually hang a coat, put shoes away, actually help make dinner or maybe offer to grocery shop or fix a lightbulb or doing anything around the house that didn't involve personal gratification for themselves I think I wouldn't complain so much. Its hard to feel like you cleaned the same shit over and over again, it gets real old.
Now, after saying that a friend of mine said, " WEll, have you put your foot down, no TV if they don't do this, no dinner if they don't do that, etc..." Well, actually been there and done that. I've left dishes in a sink for a week and no-one did anything about it, laundry not done except my own and the kids and instead of offering to help someone just says, " how come I don't have any more laundry", " Why isn't there dinner cooked tonight", etc.....
I'm not saying I"m perfect, actually I'm far from it, I have lots to learn but I do try to make life easy for everyone surrounding me, probably to my detriment and its biting me in the ass and its hard to change people I have spoiled over the years. That being said, isn't it just common sense to just ask someone if they need help? Isn't it just common decency when your even a child when you see someone still working at 10p at night that maybe you might ask if they need anything?
These are just a few things I complain about they certainly aren't life threatening, I probably shouldn't bitch about them when there is so much other stuff going on around the world so far worse than I could ever dream of, however, its hard when you feel unsupported, its hard when you feel like you are all alone when you have these thoughts.
Its also hard to want to be the best athlete you can be and have no real support in that area, not caring about me getting in what I need to get in to do that, not appreciating that I try to not sacrifice family time for my workouts but there are times I need to and it comes with a load a complaints from everyone. I know I want to be the best mom and wife and all that stuff but I also want to do something that makes me happy, why is it so hard to do it, why do I have to work so hard to fit it all in? It gets really frustrating sometimes.
Ok, end of venting, life is just real busy right now and I want to do so many things that I can't and I'm sad sometimes. I know life does not revolve around me and I'm ok with that but sometimes I just need to vent about it.