Being on the other side even for 1hr is really scary.....

So as I was out riding my bike my phone was ringing, I knew it was going to be my hubby Phil so I decided not to answer it. I always say, " unless its really important please don't call me when I tell you I'm riding in the morning". so I continue to ride, the phone rings again, I pull over and answer it, its the Mammography center at North Shore Medical Center saying I needed to come in to get right breast looked at again, they think there might be something suspicious and they needed further imaging. They said for me to come in today. I took a deep breath and said, " sure, I'll see you at 2:15p". I continued my 2 1/2 hr ride and t-run, went to physical therapy and drove to the medical center. Being a nurse practitioner and practicing primarily in the field of hematology and Oncology I am the one usually on the other side telling people these things and giving them either good news or bad news. All I could think of during the last few hours were my kids and my husband. My gut instinct was that things were going to be okay but I have never needed to go in for a recheck ever and I've been getting mammos since I've been 35.

Anyway, I go in, get undressed and after about 30 minutes I still hadn't been seen. I went to the tech and she said they need to use a special machine for me because of it being a recheck. I started to get a little nervous. The woman finally called me in and she took several pictures, I still don't know how she could find enough tissue to press but she did. She told me after the pictures to sit in the front room and she would be out after the radiologist read the pictures. 5 minutes later she comes out and tells me she needs more pictures, we do this several times. Now being a betting person ( in my experience) the more images someone gets isn't usually a good thing. I started to think she was seeing something and so was the tech, she wouldn't give me a clue and I started to tear up a bit. She told me it was something high up in the armpit and it was difficult for the radiologist to read. Anyway, after a full hour of rechecking and rechecking more pictures the radiologist gave me a clean bill, most likely just a calcification.

So, when the tech came out to give me the news I started to cry, I had started to really think something was wrong and that I really didn't know how I was going to tell Phil and the kids. I still haven't quite gotten over it, but I can only imagine what it must feel or must of felt for my patients when we gave them bad news, it was really scary for awhile. Of course during this hour I was telling myself, " I'm healthy, I eat right, exercise, I have minimal risk factors for breast cancer, I've nursed 4 children,how could I have breast cancer". So the one thing I could think of was, DIET COKE. I said maybe I should just give it up, maybe this is a sign not to drink it anymore. I may just give this shit up, who knows what it is doing to my body.

Anyway, I'm so happy everything is fine, it certainly puts life into perspective even if it was only 1 hr that I sat there wondering , " WHAT IF?".

Life is good people, and believe me it could of been a hell of a lot worse and I know that. I've been very blessed to be healthy and I hope to continue that.